PLAY COUSIN
A short play for two dancers.
by Sophia Parker
BOUNCER and GOER stargaze. They aren’t anywhere.
GOER
I think I should go.
BOUNCER
I don’t think you should.
GOER
I’m already gone.
BOUNCER
And you’re alone.
GOER
And I’m alone.
In a red kitchen, there’s a white table. On top of the table is a bowl of blanched tomatoes taking an ice bath. There’s a red chair somewhere. Two cheerleading cones; one white, one green, sit off to the right with their large holes facing down, so they look like two little mountains.
GOER
God, let me be needy and scared!
Okay, time to be needy and scared.
I’m going to crouch down and shake like a woman.
I’m bored. This groove is boring.
This is why I don’t want to be a dancer anymore.
This sexy boring groove.
This roll, this hip, this gaze.
This stupid forever.
This whole long forever
And I’m going to keep going.
I’m not gonna stop.
And what about my dad?
My dad, the chimney and his brother, the forest fire.
And my other uncle, the baker with the broken oven that I can’t fix.
Yes, I make metaphors out of the men in my life.
Yes, the men in my life all have something to do with fire
And the women in my life are strong and get sick and go.
Here—I’m gonna be the chimney
Over there, the forest fire
And you (Goer points to Bouncer) the broken oven.
GOER watches BOUNCER stop, drop, and roll around the kitchen. It gets redder so much so BOUNCER’s skin starts reflecting its glow, it looks like his whole body is blushing.
GOER looks down a hallway, at the end of it is a lake that is a pool that is the floor. GOER and BOUNCER stand side to side and dance down it.
GOER
Let’s not be “the men” anymore.
Fetch the rope.
I think we should talk about the broken oven.
The broken oven is the uncle who loves his family
Lasso the audience.
But he only tells them when he’s calling them for compensation
Put out a cigarette.
For a thankless job.
I’m gonna talk about my uncle
Hold a gun.
Why is the job drinking?
Because he drinks like he gets paid to do it.
Hold a hose.
He drinks like its his duty.
He drinks like his honor is at the bottom of the bottle.
Look down.
Let’s talk about his sister
Go back.
How in these inanimate family dramas
She always gets cast as the rock.
Let’s talk about women always being rocks
Hold your knees.
And how hard rocks are.
And let’s hear it for the rocks that get stuck in our shoes!
They remind us of pain in a good way.
Like a coach.
That, ‘I’m grateful to be alive’ way,
That, Pain, real pain is what it’s all about.
Walk like a lady.
Let’s hear it for the bug bites, the stress rashes,
Dance down this hallway.
The sisters who nag and pray for sobriety.
We’re almost there.
BOUNCER and GOER sit back to back on a rock by a lake, the sun is beginning to set.
GOER
James is in the spare room of your grandmother’s house. He had the son you never met and the funeral you never went to. Why? Why didn’t you go to the funeral?
BOUNCER
I wasn’t invited.
GOER
Did you even want to go?
BOUNCER
I don’t think so, I guess–I guess I wished something else would come up that I couldn’t get out of or maybe a canceled plane ride or health scare…minor!
GOER
So why did you never go in the spare room of the uncle you never met but knew was there and the son who nobody knows. Nobody knows where or who he is?
BOUNCER
For whatever reason it felt like there were bigger fish to fry in that house. Or that some rooms in it weren’t even there or real or they were there but miles above the roof. James could have been anywhere, maybe I wished him away a little bit.
GOER
Does that make you sad?
GOER pulls out very clear very shiny lip gloss, coats BOUNCER’s lips and finds her reflection in them.
BOUNCER
I guess so.
GOER
Does that make you sad?
BOUNCER
I know so.
GOER
I know so.
GOER
Here!
I’m gonna be strong for you, Bouncer!
It’s your turn to jump into my arms.
BOUNCER runs and jumps into GOER’s arms, the sun doesn’t set as much as it completely disappears. Still by the lake, BOUNCER and GOER are lit by football stadium lamps.
GOER
Bouncer now that I know you want to be a Dallas cowboys cheerleader–I’m just—I’ve so entirely attached myself to the idea.
BOUNCER
It’s not an idea. It’s a dream.
GOER
You’re right. Well I’m totally sold.
BOUNCER
We’re not for sale Goer. He winks.
GOER
You’re right, well I know that I guess I totally buy it.
BOUNCER
You can’t buy dreams.
GOER
I’m trying to tell you I believe in you.
BOUNCER
Then say that.
GOER
I believe in you
BOUNCER
Thank you.
GOER
Even if that means I can’t write your cheers anymore.
BOUNCER
You can still send them to me, if you ever just wanna hear one out loud. But contractually, I don’t think I’ll be able to perform it.
GOER
That would be nice. I don’t have anything ready.
BOTH
But when you do, but when I do, of course I’ll send it over.
BOUNCER
Then say that.
BOUNCER builds a small fire. GOER shakes like a woman to keep herself warm. She’s holding a bucket of water.
GOER
Bouncer and Goer sitting by the lake!
B-O-U-N-C-I-N-G
First comes life!
Then comes—
GOER pours the water over her head. BOUNCER roasts a marshmallow and smiles.
GOER
I want to barrel down the street into nothing.
BOUNCER
You just want to be able to get home sooner.
GOER
Sure that’s what I mean. What do you want?
BOUNCER
I want to be a teen singer songwriter with a bone to pick with the boy who left me for an older blonde. Except, I want the blonde too. And it’s a coming out anthem for teen bisexuals and it has heart and it’s timeless and it’s thirsty. I guess–wait–I meant I want to be the blonde too.
GOER
Sad.
BOUNCER
(handing GOER a towel) Sad I know.
GOER
I remember when I was about 7 wrapping my hair in a towel and wishing that when I took it out it would be straight and blonde from root to tip. Sad I know. And when I was in the second grade I swear, I mean this sounds so made up saying out loud so maybe it was just a dream but still–in the second grade we had a self esteem workshop and we were asked to write if we thought we were pretty on a piece of paper and Darrel stole my paper and read it and said “Really?! You don’t think you’re pretty? You’re crazy!” And I thought, “Oh God I’m ugly and crazy too!”
BOUNCER
I’m glad our wishes didn’t come true.
GOER
Me too.
BOUNCER
Can I ask you what’s going to happen?
GOER
No.
BOUNCER
Ok… so the punchline is Darrel couldn’t believe you thought you were ugly because he thought you were beautiful.
GOER
Darrell was the type of kid to skin his grapes at lunch. He would grab a hold of that butt part of the grape where the stem used to be and pull one of its edges and pull down and down and down till it’s just a fleshy green orb salted by his fingers. He was not a bully exactly but more like a ringleader. We weren’t friends.
BOUNCER
Can I ask you what’s going to happen?
GOER
Let’s wait for the sky to turn.
BOUNCER
Ok but can I ask you–I mean–it’s just–what if I want to leave?
GOER
One time I was asked what I wanted most in the world.
I was told to think about it and hold it in my mind
And that whatever I wanted was across the room.
It was just an exercise in a high school dance class, and
The person who was standing between me
And what I wanted was my crush
Which was great because we got to push and shove each other
Hold on tight, not let go.
And eventually we got to make out on the tops of hills.
But the thing I wanted:
I wanted to know where my uncle was
My broken oven,
Except I wasn’t calling him that at the time.
Uncle Ben.
Anyway, we did the exercise, and that night while I was asleep he showed up on my back porch
Asking my mom for the 300 dollars he asked her to keep safe.
All he had on him was a horse betting ticket.
My mom said, I can give you the 300 or drive you to detox
The sky was its early blue and the morning was just starting to warm
When she drove him to detox.
The next time I saw him he was working at a bakery
I walked in and thought—hey, that guy looks like my mom!
We talked and he gave me a loaf of bread and fresh salted butter.
So my mom the rock, and the broken oven
And they both looked like their father
Who was a chef with a gambling addiction
Who drank too much
And bet on horses and loved them.
And there’s my dad the chimney
And his brother the forest fire
And my other uncle the broken oven
And I have to ask myself if I’m a pyromanic
Over and over again.
Because the men in my family all are fire.
And the women are strong
And they get sick
And they go
Note to the director: I want you to know that the next time these two meet may be outside of heaven’s gate, and they won’t remember each other, but they will want to keep each other warm.
The graphic for PLAY COUSIN features work
by AJ Winland as well as artist Sam Francis.
